tryna write until it goes away
what am i really mad about
is it because of you, or cause i'm living in my mother's house
cause i don't have a fucking job
i'm afraid to leave anyway
afraid my dreams are so damn big they'll blow half of the world away
afraid for the fate of my family
afraid you'll never understand me
afraid i have the power to do anything that you dare me
despite the fact that some days getting out of bed's the biggest battle
cause the voices in my head are talking shit and all the prattle's
louder than the medication i've been taking half my life
and i'm a lover but i'd sooner die than be somebody's wife
i just want the world to know my mother fucking name
so "tristan carter-jones" the only thing you mother fucking sayin

it's my time
it's not time
it's my time
and i'm fine

3am and i'm speechless
i'm thinking of you again
feeling like scum smoking out momma's bathroom again
i'm 2 again
a lost baby tripping round ruins of your lips on my hips
can i get a take 2 again
or take 6
the sixth shot
tryna forget
no matter how hard i close my eyes can't blink away the regret of the time
i said the thing you never say
never tell her that you love her
never say it
never give you away
work out like two-a-days
and the sweat still smells like you
you're far gone, but i still grip his lapels like it was you
run around ass out
i swear he can see what i'm thinking
he knows it's for you i'm drinking
it ain't no sand, but i'm sinking

it's my time
it's not time
it's my time
and i'm fine

tryna be secret but you can always hear pop and the twist of the bottle
when i'm near
stress dreams the only thing that make my heart race
used to snort or shoot when my blood pumped at this pace
what do i do now that i'm "clean" or something
and i binge drink every night like it's not the same thing
but i still sniff hard when you're around
tryna catch the airborne parts of you
if i lose you in one place, in the bottle i will find you
i wanna get some cash and bring another substance home
but i popped off friday night like i ain't have no student loans
but we can fuck as hard as i want to
swallow what i make'll make your head go boom

it's my time
it's not time
it's my time
and i'm fine

don't let my vocabulary fool you, i'm so poorly adjusted
i fear i'm equipped for nothing
i can't say no to a drink unless i'm blacked out
i can't stop thinking of you unless i'm sacked out
and even then i feel you in ways that you cannot understand
and then the sheets get fogged up cause i'm reckless with my hand
and every time i close my eyes
the only thing that i see
is my own brains
and blood
and guts and things
dripping out of me
after i bust my head against the wall
cause dad won't answer mommy's calls
to help out with these fucking bills
that he half made, cause i'm half his
and these pills can't numb how terrified i am
of everything
and i will lose my mind

but i'm fine
it's my time
it's not time
it's my time
and i'm fine

i'm still a bad, bad man and i'm fine